You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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