you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
