on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
