Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
