I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
