After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
