Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
