I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
