Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Say something about gay babies.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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