White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
