they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
