So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A+ Viking dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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