its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
