I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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