With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
