We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
