she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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