I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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