Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
