If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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