I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
