just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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