If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
