He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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