I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
