I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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