I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
