Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
