We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize