I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
