I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
