Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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