You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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