i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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