I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
