i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
