I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
