plz talk dirty to me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
