I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
