He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
