We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
