Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
