dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
