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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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