I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
