I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
