I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize