How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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