Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone came in the potted fern
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
