Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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