I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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