Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
