See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
