I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize