I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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