Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this is an emotional support booty call
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
