when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
