I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
