this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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