There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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