A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
