If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
