shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize