i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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