my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
