He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude i'm inner monologue high
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
