went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
