I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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