Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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