Can i not drive my cunt home
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
