She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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