I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
