he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize