i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
