Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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