You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
