um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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