So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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